What if I told you the secret to selling more isn’t about selling at all, but about helping?

It might sound counterintuitive, but as someone who was once a quiet, shy kid terrified of social interactions, I’ve learned that the key to success in sales and in business isn’t about being the most confident person in the room. In my early 20’s, I was earning over £40,000 a year in commission as a sales executive. But how did I get there? Not by mastering the art of persuasion or by becoming a natural-born closer. Instead, I discovered a much simpler, yet far more powerful approach: focusing on helping others.

If you’re someone looking to break into sales, struggling to connect with clients, or a business owner trying to close more leads, this blog is for you. I’ll take you through my journey from a kid who wanted to disappear into the background to a successful salesman who learned that selling isn’t about pushing products—it’s about building trust, understanding needs, and genuinely helping others. These lessons transformed my career, and they can transform yours too.

So, how does a shy, quiet kid who avoided attention at all costs become a top salesman? Let me take you back to where it all began.

The Quiet, Shy Kid

When I was younger, no one would have pictured me as someone who’d thrive in sales. If you had met me during my years at secondary school, you’d likely describe me as quiet, shy, and lacking in confidence. Social interactions outside of my close circle of friends were something I dreaded. I can still vividly remember those moments when a teacher would call on me in class. The spotlight would land on me, and I’d be mortified, suddenly aware of every pair of eyes in the room fixated on me. My face would go bright red, and if you were sitting nearby, I’m sure you could feel the heat radiating off me. I’d mumble something—anything—to get through it, but inside, I was sinking into a pit of embarrassment. I wasn’t the kid who spoke up. I wasn’t the kid who knew what to say. I was the kid who wanted to disappear into the background.

The Rocky Start to Sales

You might wonder how I ended up in sales, right? Believe me, I was wondering the same thing. On the first day of my sales role, my head was spinning with a million questions: How would I do it? What would I say? What if they asked something I didn’t know? I was handed a basic script by Mike, an older colleague who had been in sales for years. The office was open-plan, which meant everyone could hear everything. The dread inside me was real. All I could think about was people judging me, hearing me fumble my words, or worse—freezing up completely.

At first, I couldn’t bring myself to make a real call. I’d dial random numbers, pretending they didn’t answer. But I knew that wouldn’t fly for long. Eventually, I mustered the courage to dial an actual prospect. The phone rang, and they answered. Panic surged through me, and I hung up immediately. Mike, who had been watching, turned to me and said, “You can’t do that forever. Your first few calls are going to be shit—no way around it. You just have to do them to figure out what you’re going to say.”

So, I did it. The first call was short and uneventful, but I realised something important: on the other end of that line was just another human being. The nerves started to settle. After a few more calls, I had my first real conversation and thanks to my background in customer support, I knew our product inside out. The words came naturally. We talked about their needs, I explained how our service could help, and by the next day, they had paid. That small win showed me that I could do this. Over time, I started asking better questions, getting better answers, and helping more people find solutions to their problems. In my early twenties, I was earning around £40,000 a year. For a shy kid who never thought he’d make it in sales, that was life-changing.

Finding My Groove - And My Confidence

But here’s the thing: I didn’t apply for that sales job out of nowhere. I had been in the support team before, helping people with their issues over the phone and through online chats. To me, it wasn’t about selling; it was about solving problems. And that’s where my journey really started. My approach to sales wasn’t about pushing products it was about helping people make the best decision for them.

One day, I had a great conversation with an American customer - a very enthusiastic guy who just seemed to love everything. He had this incredible energy that was infectious. As we talked, I realised that while our product could do something similar to what he was looking for, it wouldn’t meet all of his needs. So, I did something that might sound counterintuitive in sales: I recommended he contact a specific company that could help him better than we could.

At the end of our conversation, he told me he really enjoyed our talk and appreciated my honesty. He said it was clear that I genuinely wanted to help him solve his problem rather than just make a sale. Then he asked, “Have you read the book ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie’?” When I told him I hadn’t, he insisted that I give it a read, saying that I had just practised one of the key points from the book.

Intrigued, I ordered the book and read it. Well, I actually read it twice, because one of Carnegie’s instructions is to read every chapter twice before moving on, and let me tell you—this book is awesome. Carnegie really knows his stuff. The key point I had supposedly enacted during our conversation was exactly what he emphasised: ‘Become genuinely interested in other people.’ The customer had felt that I wasn’t just trying to sell him something; I was genuinely trying to help him solve his problem.

Did this approach earn me any money from that specific sale? No, it did not. But what it did do was give me confidence in knowing that I was on the right path. The book articulated why this approach works, and that understanding was invaluable to me.

And there’s more to it than just the immediate sale. Having this mentality brings other benefits. Maybe we couldn’t help him with that particular problem, but because of the positive experience he had, he’d likely come back to us in the future when we could help—or he might refer us to someone else who needs what we offer. It’s a long game, built on trust and genuine interest, and it pays off in ways far beyond the initial transaction.

The Power of Building Relationships

As I embraced this way of ‘selling,’ my confidence grew, and so did my success. Clients began calling me directly because they knew I’d get things done for them, even if it wasn’t technically my job. They trusted me to solve their problems, and that trust didn’t go unnoticed. Word got around, and soon enough, people in higher positions within the company started to take notice. It became clear that I wasn’t just another salesperson—I was someone who understood the importance of building strong, lasting relationships.

This visibility within the company did wonders for my career. My commitment to going above and beyond for clients led to more opportunities and, eventually, a promotion. I was given the chance to sell higher-priced solutions and earn more commission. But it wasn’t just about the money. That promotion was a reflection of the trust I’d earned and the relationships I’d built. It showed me that my approach—focusing on genuinely helping others—wasn’t just the right thing to do; it was the key to my success.

One day, during a particularly rough patch for the company, a client I had built a strong relationship with called me. He casually mentioned that our biggest competitor was winding down due to industry issues that we were also facing. What struck me was that he had no idea this information would be crucial for us—he simply wanted to share it with me because of the trust and rapport we had built. He felt like I should know, just as a friend would share a piece of news. I passed this information to our CEO, and within days, we had acquired their customer base, sustaining our business during a critical time.

Fast forward a few years, while travelling in Southeast Asia, I received a gift from the company—a diary with messages written on various dates. On the anniversary of that deal, I found a note that said, “On this day two years ago, you helped save Appinst (the company). You spoke up and used your initiative. Always believe in that. It’s what makes you special and will allow you to achieve whatever you want in life!”

Reading that message filled me with pride. It reminded me of the power of building relationships and how helping others can lead to extraordinary outcomes.

The Lesson - Stop Selling, Start Helping

So here’s the lesson I’ve learned: building confidence in sales isn’t about selling—it’s about helping others find the solutions they truly need. Sales isn’t about tricking or convincing people to do something they don’t want to do. It’s about guiding customers toward what they genuinely want and need. I started off as someone you wouldn’t expect to be in sales—shy, quiet, and lacking confidence. But instead of focusing on everything I wasn’t, I leaned into what I was good at: listening, understanding, and helping.

One of the biggest mistakes salespeople make is not taking the time to understand the customer’s needs. Instead, they focus on pushing their product or service without considering whether it’s the right fit.

To avoid this, ask questions and truly listen to the answers. Be genuinely interested in the other person and their situation. When you show genuine interest in someone and their problems, they begin to trust you—and trust is crucial in sales. People buy from people they trust and like. If you don’t believe your product or service will provide them with value, tell them. Don’t waste time trying to convince someone who won’t benefit from it. In the long run, this honesty will protect your reputation and your business. It’ll save you from headaches like bad reviews, refunds, and dissatisfied customers.

Confidence in sales comes from knowledge and experience, so learn everything you can about your product and your clients. When you approach your work with the intent to help rather than to sell, success will follow naturally. 

And if a quiet, shy kid like me can find confidence and success in sales, so can you.

P.S. If you’re looking for a great resource to reinforce these principles, I highly recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. It’s a classic that I still pick up every now and then. The insights in this book have been instrumental in shaping my approach to sales and building relationships, and I believe they can do the same for you.